Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
