you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
