I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
