do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
