I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
