Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
