Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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