thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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