Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
