A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
