I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
