He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
