On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
