Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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