Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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