This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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