I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
