tell your sister to shave her snatch
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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