you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
