I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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