Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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