So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
smell my finger.
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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