and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
