Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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