The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
