How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
