Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
