Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
