They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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