Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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