did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
