Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
