Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
