Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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