"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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