I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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