when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
