Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
