Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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