My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
