Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
