That's intense
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
