the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
