I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this will be a night to untag.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
