Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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