If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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