i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
