I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
