there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
