I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
