garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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