I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
