Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's great music for shaving your balls
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
