i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
