you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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