I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
