i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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