I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i think i just lost a toe
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
