All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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