yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are we still banned from the library?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
