I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
