arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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