Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
