If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
