so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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